“…We think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us: in the simplest terms, the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal. Correct? That’s the way we saw each other at 7 o’clock this morning…”
The opening lines of The Breakfast Club are from a letter that 5 kids who’ve been in detention together one Saturday have written to the overbearing teacher who’s been supervising them. At the beginning of the day they are hostile towards one another–well, except for the princess and the athlete, who are pretty chummy–but as the day goes on and they learn more about each other, they discover that they all have more in common and understand each other better than they could have imagined. At the end of the movie the athlete is making out with the basketcase, and the princess is making out with the criminal. Perhaps that is a bit of an extreme idealization, but you get the point–it is possible to dig deeper and overcome our initial prejudice.
I think it’s human nature to make assumptions and label a person based on outward appearances–clothing, cars, even political and religious affiliations–and to then either embrace or reject them accordingly. But, most of us have more in common than we would like to think we do. We all desire to be truly seen, to be known, to be liked. We all have struggles and insecurities and hopes.
When we stereotype people based on our initial impression of them we are sticking a label on them and putting them in a box, which isn’t fair to anyone. The person being labeled and then discarded doesn’t have the opportunity to show who they really are, beneath the surface, and the person doing the labeling is narrowing the possibilities in his/her own life and missing out on knowing someone who could potentially be a friend.
I still find myself shutting down a bit around women who intimidate me (those super thin, well dressed, have-it-all-together women), like I’m back in high school and I’m still the theater geek who’s afraid the cool girl is going to look at me with disdain and walk away or–worse–say something cruel about my appearance. I hate that this is still my reaction, and I wonder: how many potentially amazing friendships have I missed out on by avoiding certain women because my own insecurity caused me to be intimidated by them, to label them as self-absorbed and shallow? So, here’s my new thing: I’m going to make an effort to open myself up and chat with each intimidating woman I meet–at work, at church, or wherever–even if she is skinny and wearing the jeans I can’t afford.
How have you unfairly labeled the people in your life? How have you been unfairly labeled yourself?
