DEBUNKING THE VULNERABILITY MYTHS
In the second chapter of Daring Greatly, Brené exposes some myths about vulnerability; some of the things she says in this chapter definitely hit a little too close to home for my taste. Oh, and before we get too far into this–Brené defines vulnerability as: uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.
Myth 1: VULNERABILITY IS WEAKNESS. This one is “the most widely accepted,” and “the most dangerous,” and people often “feel contempt when others are less capable or willing to mask feelings, suck it up, and soldier on.” Seeing others being vulnerable is awkward, and “we let our fear and discomfort become judgement and criticism.” Instead of being a sign of weakness, Brené says that “vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, [and] empathy” and that “vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.” Love it.
Myth 2: I DON’T DO VULNERABILITY. “regardless of our willingness to do vulnerability, it does us. When we pretend that we can avoid vulnerability we engage in behaviors that are often inconsistent with who we want to be.” Boom.
Myth 3: VULNERABILITY IS LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT. In this section Brené talks about the difference between true vulnerability and “a secret-sharing-free-for-all…vulnerability without boundaries leads to disconnection, distrust, and disengagement.” I had to mull this over for awhile.
Myth 4: WE CAN GO IT ALONE. “Going it alone is revered in our culture,” but, the truth is, our strength really is in numbers. Hiding our true selves and isolating ourselves from others requires that we “stay small and quiet…so as not to draw attention to [our] imperfections and vulnerabilities.” Wearing this kind of mask gets exhausting and serves neither ourselves nor others. In fact, the beautiful and freeing thing is that “vulnerability begets vulnerability; courage is contagious.”
As someone who describes herself as an awkward over sharer and is willing to tell almost anyone almost anything and who has the tendency to be a loner, this chapter was a little, um, uncomfortable to read and gave me a lot to think about. It also reminded me of Galatians 6:2, where we are directed to “share each other’s burdens.” How can we do that if we refuse to let down our guard and be vulnerable with one another?
This post is a link up with Carrie, who blogs at Waiting with Joy.
