Today, I’m joining Kerrie Williams and Kerry Todd for their third Hello, My Name Is link-up, which gives women a place to come together and “make Him famous by letting others know how He is redeeming [them and] how He has renamed [them].”
Anxiety and fear–manifested in various delightful ways–have ruled me for much of my life. I didn’t have much stability growing up, so it started young. Yes, my parents stayed married and my family didn’t suffer any major tragedies, but we moved a lot. In between the moves, I changed schools. A lot. In 6th grade alone I attended a private school, was homeschooled a couple of months, and then attended a public school.
Any time I saw my parents with their heads bowed close together in hushed conversation, my stomach would clench. Like many people, my parents would throw out “hey, what if we moved here/did this?” questions; BUT, they would actually follow through. Almost every single time.
In addition to the constant change, I was an awkward child. I never had many friends, and I struggled with crippling insecurity and (what I now recognize as) social anxiety and panic attacks. I became very fearful–that bad things would happen to me or my family, that I wouldn’t get the things/life I wanted, that loss–of places and people–would be my constant companion. I also became a bit of an OCD control freak. Did you know that control freaks are really just scared out of their minds?
Over the past few years, but especially in the last year, the Lord has been slowly healing my heart, knitting together the broken pieces and sealing them with a kiss. My eyes were opened to the fact that anxiety was killing me–emotionally and physically–and I began to run even harder after Him, because what other option was there? I can honestly say that I now have complete, peaceful-to-the-tips-of-my-toes trust in Him. I have rest. Our adoption timeline? Our financial needs? My family members’ health? My job? Jon’s job? My longing for deeper friendships? It’s cool. He’s got it. “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom” (2 Cor. 3:17) is my jam, remember? There is beautiful freedom in trusting Him completely.
My old labels were: control freak, insecure, anxious, fearful. My new labels are: open, confident, trusting, safe.
Hello, my name is afraid secure.
Because His name is faithful. And He is enough.
Have you been given a new name?
